Recently I was at the gym. I was using some weights in one corner of the gym, and next to me was a large leg press machine. The platform that one has to stand on to use that machine is at an angle. A young woman came over to this machine and began preparing to use it. She stepped onto the platform, and unknown to her there was a wet spot on the platform where someone had dropped some water. She slipped and landed on the platform on her bare knees. I sprang into dad-mode and moved over to see if I could help and to make sure she was okay. She was embarrassed and she had skinned her knee a bit. After a little back and forth conversation, it seemed she was okay if not for a skinned knee, and I got some paper towels to dry off the platform. We resumed our workouts and life went on.
What I wanted to do was to insist that she sit down, that we get the management to bring some ice over, and that she consider stopping for the day and take care of her knee. That would have been dad-mode-in-overdrive with a little mix of teacher thrown in for good measure. But, really, not good. Too much. She didn’t need me telling her what to do. She just needed a minute to get past the embarrassment of falling down in the gym and help cleaning up the water. That’s what I did on that day, but sometimes I can be too much or do too little.
Whether it’s parenting our own actual children, or caring for others in any set of relationships, there’s a fine balance, isn’t there, in that space that is helpful along the way? It’s sort of Goldilocks-ish. As we go through life in our relationships, we can tend to each other too little and people around us suffer. Or we can tend to each other too much and create over dependency. Or, we can find the balance that supports life, relationships and love, a love that is empowering, generous, and liberating. Our best, most liberating love likely happens when we are companions for each other, on the way.
~Bob Patrick
I have this at work. Providing education when wanted. Supporting in personal decision making when appropriate. Facilitating people in growing towards self care. I have to tamp down my nutrition guru…just enough. Too much and I miss an opportunity for empowerment; too little and I miss an opportunity for change. Just right…aahhh the joy of seeing someone know they did it just right
Barbara, your work with multiple clients must require that you “read” your Client’s needs and also determine what is the best amount of help to offer. Just by the fact that you see this balance and consider it when making adjustments in peoples’ life styles, means that you are using your talent, your experience and your professional acumen . These are not skills that can be taught in a classroom or workshop. You have a gift, and your clients are very fortunate to find themselves in your care….
whether they know it or not!
There’s this unseen quality in any profession that brings all the components, skills, experience etc…together in a bundle that represents your best work. But there is also the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I have recently heard another description for this idea, it’s called the 5th note. It’s the term that describes the harmony that emerges from the set , (such as a barber shop quartet). The 5th note is the whole, not the parts. That said, I think any intentional act of kindness brings the 5th note to the surface, where love is manifest.
I love this idea of the 5th note! I’ve never heard of it, but it makes a lot of sense.
It’s so difficult to find and sustain that balance across all the relationships in our lives. I really love the last sentence of your reflection, loving by being companions for each other on the way..