Empathy: Who Do We Include?

Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge . . . is empathy, for it requires us to spend our egos and live in another’s world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.
Bill Bullard

One of the earliest lessons of my childhood was empathy. The word was not used, but the actions it encouraged were. Whether it was how we treated the dogs that were always a part of our family life, or elderly people in our community, or new people that we did not know, or individuals who were clearly struggling with some difficulty, or people who did not look like us, the message I recall learning was the same: think about how they must feel and act accordingly. Without knowing it, I was being taught to make space in my own heart for the experiences of other beings.

The requirement of considering how another being must feel in any situation landed deeply in me.  As a middle schooler, the Diary of Anne Frank introduced me to the Nazi holocaust that decimated the Jewish community, People of Color, those who were differently abled physically and mentally, and the LGBTQIA communities in German controlled parts of Europe. I couldn’t believe that human beings would do such things to other human beings, and so I would go to the library and check out another book about the Holocaust. And another. And another. And another. I became depressed with the overwhelm of it all. 

Empathy is really about who we are willing to let in–to our hearts, our minds, and especially our imaginations.  Imagination is one of the great human superpowers, and when coupled with another superpower, curiosity, we open wide the door of empathy. As soon as we do that, imagining what it must be like to be in another’s condition, we face this question: who shall we include? Why would we exclude this person, that group? Can I imagine what it must be like? 

People with a developed sense of empathy can be taken advantage of. It has become popular to demonize empathy for this very reason. Empathy makes us vulnerable to the experiences of other beings and calls on us to respond. That response may require us to step across some lines that we once thought were non-negotiable. Navigating those steps is a large part of how we grow and deepen as human, spiritual, beings.

The real question that empathy asks is this: who will we include in the abundance that we enjoy? Abundance of material goods. Abundance of understanding. Abundance of care. Abundance of joy. Abundance of welcome. Abundance of encouragement. Abundance of accountability. Abundance of anything and everything that we already find supporting our lives. As Unitarian Universalists, we have some guiding values as we seek to answer this question: justice, equity, transformation, pluralism, inclusion, generosity and love.

Who will we include in the abundance we enjoy?

~Bob Patrick

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A New Colossus

Oppos’d the great Copper Lady of old,
Who loved the tired, the poor, the huddled mass,
Who welcom’d from afar numbers untold,
A new colossus stands, its meaning crass.
A new colossus, monument to hate,
Its edifice imposing, a great wall
Against influx stands. Be gone, it’s too late.
“You don’t belong!” its cry. From Grace, our fall.
Gift of fraternité et liberté,
Her torch illumin’d the darkness of fear,
Will her nation stand with her on this day?
Does the omen ill portent, our end near?
Her torch burns brighter still, tomorrow must
A new day be, a phoenix from the dust.

~Ian Van Sice

Inspired by Emma Lazarus’ The New Colossus, the poem enshrined in the Statue of Liberty.

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My Lego Village

I’m an AFOL (adult fan of lego). I love those little plastic bricks. The tactile feeling of clicking them together, seeing beyond the shape a single brick and how it could fit with others to create a brand new shape. Legos make me happy.

(Lego is still a multi billion dollar corporation which is inherently exploitative to both people and the planet and I’m not defending that by any means!)

I have two shelves hanging on my wall where I am building my lego village. I decided to try and envision a positive future world, rather than reflecting current reality.

The whole village is connected with accessible public transit, solar panels live next to rooftop beehives, food and medicine plants grow in every unused corner, and money doesn’t exist.

One of the most fun parts is to set up little vignettes with the minifigures: A minifigure harvesting an impossibly big carrot, someone dropping a freshly gathered chicken egg, a grumpy old man with a fabulous blue bouffant, and two femme lovers meeting for a picnic under a tree.

I’ve also been making sure the people in the village include the vast variety of humans in the real world. Everything from skin tone, height, disability, gender nonconformance, age, and any other variety I can think of.

I’ve been really pleased with the variety of minifigure parts that are available. There are multiple types of wheelchairs, heads of different skin tones with hearing aids and glasses, prosthetic limbs of various types, hair pieces of different textures, a shirt that says ‘love is love’, service dog harnesses, hair pieces with cochlear implants, and even a head with vitiligo.

In this idealized world I’m imagining, inclusion of everyone is key. 

While I know there’s a lot of work to do to get to this ideal, I do believe it begins with imagining what is possible.

~Aline Harris

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Inclusion: A Daily Practice

Inclusion is championed by great movements, initiatives, groups, and legislation. These efforts
remind us of the power of collective action and the progress we can achieve together. Yet,
sometimes, these movements can feel distant or abstract, leaving us disconnected from the
immediacy of practicing inclusion throughout our daily lives.

Inclusion is not only about large-scale efforts; it is also about how we show up in everyday
moments that actively reflect our values. It’s choosing patience over frustration, offering a smile to those we pass, saying hello or good morning, holding open a door, or giving someone the closer parking spot. There are countless opportunities to widen the circle of inclusivity as we move through the world daily.

These small acts are by no means insignificant, nor are they simply good manners. They remind others—and ourselves—that we all share in the dignity and respect that come with being human. They connect us to the interdependent web of life, where each of us carries our own joys and sorrows, bound together by a common thread of existence.

When we practice inclusion daily through small, intentional acts, we make its power tangible.
This happens not only through movements toward a more just world but also in how we live our values and touch the lives of others every day.

~Ryan Peterson

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The Case for Y’all

I started so many reflections on the topic of inclusion. It’s such a wide topic and there were so many different directions that I could go, I just couldn’t seem to finish a complete piece.

I would start strong, but then the words would escape me, darting off in all directions.

I tried to catch them and wrangle them into coherence, tried to line them up in profound order, but they keep bounding away.

The words. Which words do I use? Which words do I include?

Which words are ‘acceptable’ to publish?

Which words are ‘professional’?

Which words have historically been scrubbed form the published record?

African American Vernacular English (AAVE) is certainly not my heritage, but it has largely been excluded from publication.

Y’all is my heritage.

Y’all has also been excluded. 

In recent years, I’ve been shifting away from using ‘guys’ to refer to a gender-neutral group of people because it can read as masculine-as-default. 

Y’all is a perfect replacement. 

The southern dialect, often ignored as being unintelligent, has had the perfect word this whole time!

What words do y’all want to include?

~Aline Harris 

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Maya Gonzalez

For the service I am doing later this month I am finding folks who have shown me examples of inclusion and practices of inclusion. I am inspired by their commitment and dedication to this practice. 

I found Maya online when searching for a book about gender identity for our library and have since purchased a few of Maya’s books. The work Maya did alongside their own children provided the inspiration for many of the books. Maya is not only an author but an activist and progressive educator. 

The approach Maya takes towards gender and body diversity is nature-based, decolonized and holistic. Maya provides training and workshops to educators, parents and caregivers.

I bought ‘they, She, he easy as ABC’ for our grandkids. One of my favorite lines from that book comes at the end – “Now’s your chance, We need your moves. Join the dance. There’s always room.

I love the idea of room, making room, giving space to those that need it, and allowing for creativity within the expanding landscape of community.  I know this is not an easy process as those we make room for are different than ourselves and we are different to them as well. But when others become ‘all of us’ it is so beautiful.  

I am probably going to enjoy more of these books down the road for sure and can’t wait to include them into my library. 

~Lydia Patrick

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All the Feels

Before I started working with a trauma therapist, I had a habit of holding onto and hiding
my feelings. This is especially true of unpleasant emotions, particularly anger. But in doing so, the anger only came out in ways that proved negative for me and my behaviors.

Now I try to express my emotions by talking things out with people I have concerns with, sometimes writing them down first in my journal so that they are not so loaded. I am learning that including all of my emotions in what I express as I feel them gives me the freedom to get my needs met in a more positive way. That makes anger less scary than it previously was.

I unfortunately had to learn this as an adult because expressing anger as a child only brought punishment, criticism or simply not being heard at all. I have had to learn to include those feelings so that I can feel like myself, wholly human. In these times especially we need to acknowledge all our ‘feels’, pleasant and unpleasant, as that is to acknowledge who and where we are at the present. That gives us the power to cope better, but also to know that we can still feel joy amongst all the despair and fury.

~Jen Garrison

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