I will let you know that life changes in a moment. Sometimes, you have a feeling about the changes. Sometimes, you don’t. Life is like that. It’s very inconsiderate, isn’t it?
My family changed when my mother fell. My nephew called 911 and the firefighters came and got her up. She was taken to the hospital and she had a UTI. She was admitted and stayed at the hospital for a week. She then went to rehab for two weeks.
I thought that when she got home things would go on as usual. I was wrong. Life looked at me and laughed and told me that your life as you know it has gone. Well, life has done that to me a few times before and those are other stories.
My mother could no longer get on her bedside toilet. She is completely bed bound. We also learned that she is in the early stages of dementia. She sometimes acts like a child. Most of the time she doesn’t know that she has had a bowel movement. All of this happened within a few weeks. She also has heart failure, we knew about this for a while. She will never get better.
My daughter and l take care of her.. We have to change her, bathe her. We have to change her bedsheets and change her batitas. Batitas are nightgowns in Spanish. We watched YouTube videos on how to do all of these things.
I had mixed feelings about all of the changes. I was angry because I have been taking care of her in one way or another for most of my life. I have a lot of health problems myself and I have to deal with all of this! I didn’t want my daughter to deal with this either. I was sad because this is the beginning of the end of my mother’s life. I was confused because this all happened so fast. I felt cheated because this is my life and I want to do what I want to do in my life. I don’t want to change diapers. It’s a lot of feelings that didn’t help my anxiety. Sleepless nights were experienced.
I talked with my daughter, son, family and friends. I don’t feel bad about my feelings because these feelings are normal. I did a lot of soul searching.
I have transformed into a daughter who wants her mother to be comfortable and feel loved in the life that she has left. It’s not my mother’s fault, it’s just a part of life. I’m at peace with everything!
~Rita Romero
Hugs to you, Rita, as you care for your mom. I hope you can find a little time each day to rejuvenate yourself.
Peggy
I try to take care of myself. It’s difficult but I do my best.
Wow, what a beautiful affirmation of strength and resilience and authenticity, Rita! I need that inspiration to remember that I can only move through the resentment or other “messy” feelings by acknowledging them honestly. Letting my heart break OPEN, is how I like to put it (not original to me, I’m sure). It sure sounds like your heart has broken wide open, and your love pours out, even in the midst of multiple challenges and stresses. Blessings to and for you, your mom, and your daughter!
with Love at the center,
Rev. Nancy
Thank you!!!