Jon Bon Jovi had a duet song playing on the radio almost 20 years ago that chimes, “Who says you can’t go home?” The song is ultimately a story about finding yourself in a place where going home is not only alright after being on a long journey, but right where you should be. It’s a full circle kind of thing.
My childhood home has been a place of deep pain and a shaky foundation, but literally a safe haven for healing. Not only am I working through past and present tense traumas, but I have friends living with me now who are doing the same in their own ways. I am learning that living love through the practice of repair includes caring for and loving myself.
I found myself on Sunday afternoon full of frustration and overstimulation because I am so worried about my friends’ and my health, and our futures. I came to the labyrinth in a fit of desperate rage. I admit I had it out with God/Universe. Why was I chosen to be a caregiver? Why did Mom leave me just as I got to know her? I shouted, pointed my fingers at the sky, then sat at the center of the labyrinth and cried. I suddenly detected the scent of sage, but I did not know its source. All I know is that I finally released what I had been holding onto for so long.
In the practice of repair, we learn what is ours to heal, and what is not. I feel like I finally relieved the little girl who grew up way before her time of her duty. Caring is not about saving people; it’s about sharing the journey. A late friend of mine would tell me that “a burden shared, is halved.”
That truly is living love.
~Jen Garrison
Jen, I hold your pain in my heart, and am thankful to hear that you are on a healing path. May your healing continue, and I hope you will find more joy in your life. I am so thankful that you are part of the UUCG community.
Jen, this is a beautiful piece of your healing story and just what I needed to read this morning. I celebrate your journey and mine today. Blessed be.