There is something primal about the feeling of belonging.
When we are made to feel that we belong, it is not because we have thought our way into it. Belonging is not an intellectual experience. It is not because we have earned our way into it. Belonging is not a merit based construct. It’s not because we have bought into the right neighborhood, dressed in style, or gone to all the right stores and vacation spots. Belonging is not a lifestyle or brand. Belonging is not about joining the right organization (professional organization, political party, religion, or social organization). The experience of belonging is not a club membership.
I remember as a young teacher wanting badly to feel like I belonged to a community of like-minded people with experiences, knowledge and even friendships to share with one another. I made the mistake of thinking that would happen if I joined certain professional organizations. At my first such professional conference, held on a university campus, I drove all over the campus before I finally found the registration center for the conference. One of the registrars asked if I had had a good trip, and I responded that the trip was great until I got on campus. There were no signs or any written instructions on where the registration center would be. The registrar laughed and shrugged and said: everyone knows that we are always in this building. I walked away thinking: everyone knows. Everyone who belongs, I guess. Joining the club did not create the experience of belonging for me.
American poet and civil rights activist, Maya Angelou is famously quoted as saying:
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
When we interact with people in this world, we can lead with a concern for how we make people feel. Do we put people at ease, create a sense of comfort and safety, that we belong to one another. When we manage to do that, we can see the change in people’s faces. We touch something ancient and primal in them that comes forward and shows itself to some ancient and primal parts of us. We can choose to build this sort of belonging.
~Bob Patrick
