Trust Is the Ante

If you’re a recovering perfectionist like me, you know how important control feels. Lists, plans,
reminders, and organization create the illusion of certainty. And for tasks, trips, and anything
without agency, those tools work beautifully. But when it comes to human relationships at
work, at home, in our communities, this illusion of control falls apart.

We can’t control people. Not the ones we love, not acquaintances, not strangers, not the
broader world. And yet, we try. We set expectations, predict behaviors, and build
contingencies. But the more we grip, the more trust slips away.

Lately, I’ve been wrestling with whether trust and skepticism can coexist. I think they have to.
Trust without skepticism isn’t really trust – it’s naïveté. It’s the doubt, the risk, that gives trust its weight. If there were no possibility of betrayal, trust wouldn’t be necessary in the first place.
Trust is the ante we put into a relationship, knowing there’s no guaranteed return. It’s a risk,
but one that makes connection possible. It requires a willingness to let go of control and trade it for trust.

So, what happens when we practice trust instead of control? When we release the illusion of
certainty and accept that things might go wrong? Maybe that’s where real connection begins…

~Ryan Peterson