Vampire Rules

There’s a joking commentary I’ve heard online from fellow neurodiverse people. 

“It’s like if you want to bring a vampire to your house. They can’t walk through the door without an invitation, you have to invite them in. You have to explicitly invite me or I won’t think I’m welcome.”

When I read it, I thought, ‘wow. I resemble that remark.’ 

As a child, I’d go shopping with my mother and pick up something to admire. I’d show her. Look at how pretty or funny this is! There was an immediate, “Put that down! I’m not buying it for you.” This always left me stunned. I wasn’t asking for it. I just wanted to share in the joy of something I found. 

In grade school, I’d hear my friends talk about parties and hangout sessions. I’d so desperately wish to go, but only felt like I could if they looked me right in the eye and asked me to join them. 

As an adult, I’d talk to a friend about something hard and would immediately fret that they would think I was asking something of them when I was just sharing.

I always strive to communicate exactly what I mean or feel, and it can be a frustrating experience. It was – and, honestly, still is – challenging for me to determine if someone telling me about their plans is because they want to share, or, if they’re sharing as an invitation. They didn’t ask. They just.. said.

“You can come if you want!” isn’t quite as inviting as you’d think. It doesn’t hold that sense of welcome, that desire for you to be there. 

“If you can come, I want you to be there.” Hearing that, knowing it’s an expressed invitation.. Tightly holding these words as I cross a threshold is what makes me feel welcomed in.

~Dmitri