I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.
James Baldwin
Recently, I went with a friend to the Museum at the National Center for Civil and Human Rights in downtown Atlanta. This museum is visually creative, engaging and filled with interactive learning experiences. In one area I noticed a lunch counter with bar stools. A woman was sitting beside this counter and she invited me to take a seat and put on the headphones in front of me. I was instructed to place my hands on the counter where an outline of hand prints was drawn and to not move them, no matter what I heard.
Suddenly angry, abusive voices assaulted me. My heart rate escalated and my palms felt damp against the cool counter. Many of the voices yelled and screamed, but the voices that really frightened me were the quiet ones that whispered, “I’m going to kill you,” in my ear. The recording was three minutes long. When it ended, I thankfully took off the headphones and said, “that was terrifying,” to the woman. She nodded and replied, “you made it to the end.” I looked around and saw empty stools. Recordings had stopped after seconds, sometimes a minute.
I read the quote above, and I know James Baldwin is right. There is a lot of pain buried in hatred. How do we stop pain and hatred from creating even more pain and hatred? Perhaps the answer is to put ourselves in another’s vulnerable place, even if only for three minutes.
~Lisa Kiel
Powerful exercise in recognizing the language of hate, especially as the recipient. I have experienced hate on several occasions. The kind that fuels a persistent downward spiral. Being forced to protect myself, having to conjure up my reserve of self esteem so I don’t take it personally. Once I feel it is personal it blinds my ability to reason and eclipses the the context of the hate so I cant see beyond my own victim, myself. It is extremely hard to hate or be hated. The emotion is as passionate as Love but cannot be manifest without trouble/ hurt/ exposure. So what does one do with this excess of emotion? Find a neutral space and deal with the injustice? Keep my hands in place on the bar and know there are many more people who have dealt with unrequited Hate?
It’s horrible how there are those that engage their impulses to harass and frighten others, acting upon their own fears and anger. Many museum curators today seek to provide experiences that engage visitors in understanding the complete picture of history, including the feelings of those who lived it. The hardest part of building such an exhibit is knowing that to be truthful, the exhibit content has to be lived first. Thank you for telling us about your museum experience, putting us where you were as well.
Thank you Lisa. The closest I have come to actually experience this kind of hatred is at PRIDE marches. The earliest was in 1981 (Young person showing up for my friends and declaring asexuality), in the 1990s with Act Up, and in the late 2000’s and ongoing with UUs. Always hearing and seeing the taunts.
I will not forget the year (not the actual year but the experience and time) that with many other UUs (about 200) we outsung and out drummed the taunters. It is so much different being one in many vs. one in a few.
I believe, the opportunities to empathize with others’ experiences of hatred can help us to grow in awareness and acceptance of our diversity. It is so hard to experience hatred – where do we find the courage, curiosity and compassion to sit with these experiences when our life is not on the line?
As always, I am a very privileged white cis-gendered, she, her identifying person, writing this and willing to be challenged.