When I think of the word transformation, one of the first things that comes to mind is
metamorphosis. I am struggling with this month’s theme of transformation because I
want to be the butterfly, yet emotionally and spiritually I feel like hiding in a cocoon.
I have told supporters recently that I feel like I am dried up spiritually, questioning so
many things, including my worth and purpose. After surviving a cerebellar stroke last
fall, I have been struggling to regain my physical and emotional stamina. Everything is
overwhelming at times. I am improving, but it’s touch and go from day to day, impacting
how I feel in my body, mind and spirit. It’s been one of the most challenging things to my
psyche that I have encountered in my life up to this point.
Hiding in a cocoon is tempting, and perhaps for my energy preservation, absolutely necessary. However, I also feel that I do not need to be isolated in this shell either. I am trying to balance my life between self-care and fulfilling my sense of purpose by being with and giving to
others.
Perhaps the cocoon is symbolic of this process that I am feeling my way through
right now. I am sure that anyone who has been through a challenging diagnosis or
health scare knows what I am talking about. I am trying to practice patience, both with
myself and with supporters, while I rest in this cocoon of healing. Eventually I will
flourish again as the butterfly I long to grow into being again, wings restored.
~Jen Garrison
