Everything I Need to Know About Joy I Learned From Hosting a Slumber Party

Adopting as a first-time parent feels a lot like jumping into the deep end of the pool
without knowing how to swim. Sure, we’ve taken classes on swimming theory, had lots
of conversations about how we might swim if we were to find ourselves in the water, and
we have a great community of swimmers around us in case we start drowning, but
there’s nothing quite like jumping right in. In true “you don’t know what you don’t know”
fashion, we hosted a slumber party with 6 girls the week after our daughter moved in.
We learned many lessons in the course of the sleepover. Unfortunately for us, they
were all learned from experience and not ahead of time.

This was a net-positive experience for everyone involved (as far as I know, parents of
the other attendees, let me know if that’s not true!) As I reflect on nearly 24 hours of a
very full house and the theme of the practice of joy, a few big ideas jump out:

1. Allow Joy In: Joy can’t replace other feelings. We must work to allow Joy in when
   we’re full of other feelings.
   
2. Feel Your Feelings First: Joy can distract from sadness, frustration, anger, and
   other negative feelings, but it isn’t the antidote. Tell a companion (or a trusted
   grown-up, we can still do that, right?) how you’re doing and try to talk it out.
   
3. Joy Comes More Easily in Company: We all have different social capacities and
   needs, but loneliness makes it much harder to feel Joy.
   
   Practicing Joy doesn’t necessarily come easily. The great thing is we don’t have to get it
   right. There’s no grade, cutoff, or punishment for when we don’t quite get there. We can
   follow the kids’ example: have a little cry and try again. It’s worth the effort.
   
   ~Ian Van Sice