Fear and Bliss

I have felt vulnerable most of my life. Many times it felt horrible and as though my very existence was threatened. The fear, anger, obsessiveness, compulsiveness, and even terror would sometimes overwhelm me until I was only aware of those feelings. Sometimes I numbed out so that I didn’t feel anything except vague anxiety. However, at other times, vulnerability has felt blissful and sweet when I was able to share my weaknesses, pain, fear, anger, and someone loved me anyway! Also, when I can accept myself just as I am with compassion and embrace my own vulnerability rather than treating it with shame and anger, much of the mental suffering dissipates and I can open my heart to life again!! 

And sometimes, through realizing my inner connectedness with others and centering in my feeling core and through such things as breath, prayer, contemplating natural or created beauty, it feels like the universe is filled with other compassionate beings that love and embrace me and share their bliss! 

I am learning that taking care of my inner needs for love and bliss also means taking care of my body with healthy food and drink, companionship, seeking help when needed, exercise, and doing simple things that I enjoy! 

We are all vulnerable and suffering is part of life, but it coexists with love and pleasure! I am learning to embrace all of it while awaiting the next moment of intimate vulnerability!

~Daniel Bailey