This month’s theme of Living Love Through the Practice of Imagination can be fun-filled and enjoyable to reflect upon. However, sometimes imagination can be problematic, turning into anxiety and worry; causing obsessions and compulsions to take over. Many people who know me are aware that I live with bipolar disorder, yet most do not know that I also live with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Basically, the way I experience OCD is when my imagination runs wild, causing me crushing anxiety and worry, ruminating, and disturbing images that flash across my mind’s eye. I am scared of the other shoe dropping; I await yet another disaster to ruin my day.
I understand logically that these thoughts and feelings are a result of unresolved grief, anger, and trauma. I have been using my journal to express my emotions, especially when they become intense, to cope. I tell myself to breathe, that my mind is telling a “story” at the moment. When I can catch what my mind is up to, I can practice breathing techniques and other coping skills to lessen the impact of my obsessive thinking. When I can do that, the compulsion to relieve the thoughts with certain behaviors diminishes too.
I have recently learned from a friend not to place too much value on my ruminating thoughts and images. The more energy I put into how the images are scaring me, the bigger and more disturbing they become. If instead I soothe my mind and heart by breathing and naming what I am feeling out loud or on paper, I can feel safe again. Feeling safe and reducing doubt are how anxiety and OCD are quelled. I hope that by talking about this, I can help peers with mental health challenges feel seen and heard. I encourage you to take some slow, deep breaths today for your mental wellbeing.
~Jen Garrison
Jen, you have developed some good skills to deal with your anxiety and worry. Thank you for sharing those with us.