Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye.
From “The Living Years”, sung by Mike and the Mechanics
This chorus from the song “The Living Years” is an integral part of an incredibly potent song about living with regret from broken trust between parents and their children. It is so painful that this is my second attempt at writing a reflection about it. My father and I cannot see eye to eye on the current events of our times or how we understand and value life in our world. The spiritual journey I have been on since I first tried to write a reflection has taught me several things: First of all, my father’s stance on life and living is not in my control, nor is the pain between us my fault. Second, it is not my duty to repair everything between us. Relationship, including between parents and adult children, is a two-way street.
The past week has taught me that I should not expect myself to pick up all the pieces of
the shattered trust between my father and me, because I was not the one to throw the
stone into the mirror in the first place. However, it is my responsibility to heal the image I
see in that mirror, for myself alone. I have worried for far too long how I am going to
make things right between my father and me, fearing the sting of regret. But if he is not
willing, it’s something I have to let go of. Even when he passes away, I still have my life
to live, and to answer to myself and my sense of the Divine for how I live that life. In the
end, that’s all that matters.
~Jen Garrison
