A worship service earlier in March asked the question, “Do you think the Universe has your back?” I don’t think my worldview and my theology allow for me to answer that in the affirmative. I do believe there’s something bigger out there, but I haven’t accepted that it is on my side or otherwise. I will say that sometimes, when things really aren’t going my way, I wonder if there is a reason to hardship. I try to stick to my values when things are challenging. I try to believe in the goodness of people even when confronted with what might feel like overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I try to walk my talk. It has been hard this month.
The specifics are personal, but I will try to avoid being painfully vague. One of our core tenets is that no one is as bad as their worst mistake. I believe this. I offer grace and forgiveness pretty freely. I offer it to myself. But what do I do if this “worst mistake” feels unforgivable? I have found myself in a place like this and my instinct is to react in a way that is not living my values; it leaves me feeling some serious cognitive dissonance. The situation allows me a safe distance. The “unforgivable” was not done to me or anyone close to me. I’ve chosen to try to practice trust. I’ve chosen to try forgiving the unforgivable.
I don’t know if I can keep it up. Failure is a real possibility. Still, if we believe in the worthiness and dignity of all human beings, the necessary direction feels clear even if it doesn’t sit well. I am choosing to try, and I am trusting that my heart, my values, and love will guide me.
~Ian Van Sice
