While being a transgender man isn’t my only defining trait, it’s impossible to separate this facet of myself from the lens through which I not only see, but experience the world around me.
Being in the trans community is a large part of what initially drew me to Unitarian Universalism. Many years ago, there was a discussion being held online by our trans support group about UU congregations. They shared many photos of signs from the front lawns of churches, as well as signs adorning the bathroom doors.
At the drop of a hat, off to google I went. I began pouring myself into combing through the UUA’s website. I read the seven principles repeatedly. I kept circling back to the phrase the inherent worth and dignity of every person. There were entire pages devoted to many forms of social justice. It was a rainbow of not just acceptance, but celebration and striving to help make the world a better place for all.
It sounded too good to be true. I then googled, “is this a cult?”
I reached out privately to someone in that discussion who lived near me, intrigued. After a shared coffee on a Sunday morning, she brought me through the front doors of UUCG for the first time.
In one of the first reflections I gave here, I waxed poetic about what “you are welcome here, you are home” truly meant to me. How home was feeling like returning from a long trip, that sense of ease in my bones when someone not only used my name and pronouns, but fully respected me for who I am. How home was being surrounded by a beloved community in this space, in this container.
Years later… I know that home can be a little more complicated. I’ve experienced some of the most radical welcome I’ve ever felt while within this space, this home. I’ve also experienced troubling microaggressions, and, thankfully, very rare outright aggressions. I will always be thankful for the willingness of this community to adapt and change. I feel honored to have witnessed these efforts in real time. It takes hard work, honesty, and compassion.. and sometimes it takes discomfort, learning, and growing pains to build that home. Lately, we’ve been talking a lot about creating that container, being in covenant with each other, what goes into doing that work together, and how we can draw the circle wider.
When you spend most of your life being treated like you’re not worthy of respect, or you’re treated without an ounce of dignity due to who you are… it can be hard to accept when it’s finally extended. Currently, I’ve been working through some personal challenges that, at the crux of things, center both my transness and being a Unitarian Universalist. As part of a larger conversation with a friend, I mentioned the phrase that we are whole, holy, and good. I expressed how reading this for the first time struck me immediately, and especially as there is so much hateful rhetoric aimed towards trans people right now. Some people say that we are permanently destroying ourselves at an altar of something that we can never become. In the face of this, it is so unbelievably important to recognize wholeness, holiness, and goodness.
My friend responded with a quote by Reverend Amy Beltaine that really shook things up for me, and opened a door in my mind that I didn’t know was hidden to me. “We are whole, holy, and worthy.”
It’s been there the whole time! The inherent WORTH and dignity of every person. We all have worth, but not only do we have worth, we are WORTHY.
At this moment in my journey, renewal is about re-examining and reacquainting myself with this concept. Of worthiness. About getting back to what matters most to me. This community.. this container… and this covenant with each other.
A month ago, I had always seen the container as a protective dome surrounding us, creating a safe space. All it took was someone cupping their hands when they referred to the container to turn years of my thought processes upside down. This container, our container, is so full of love that moves us to expand. Our covenant is a sacred promise that helps us create this container of brave space.
No matter the challenge — first, remember to breathe. Next, remember the first principle, and hold on to the love at the center of our shared values. Then, remind yourself that you are whole, holy, good, and worthy.
~Dmitri
Thank you for this beautiful tribute, Dmitri. The first time I entered the church and read the first principle, I thought, finally, a church that’s actually trying to understand how to be in good relationship with each other and the rest of the world. To do that, we need people of all kinds to expand our understandings of how to be better at what we believe. It is a universal struggle, though, to comprehend new ways of thinking, which is why we also share grace. Sometimes, it’s difficult for people to change what they think they already know. Thank you for being another teacher among us.
Dimitri, UUCG is blessed to have you in our congregation, You are whole, holy, good, and worthy. Thank you for being in community with us.