Creating a Heritage: I am enough

Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence and nothing too much. Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother and I parted ways after Bob and I left the Methodist church to become Catholic for a time. Our weekly phone chats went very quickly from pleasant to painful. 

Turns out her utter disappointment in me and continued judgment of my character and abilities as a wife and mother put me in such a tailspin I sought out therapy and continued weekly visits during our years in Birmingham. Every Wednesday morning at 7 AM before work I cried and asked questions and rehashed my life choices with a therapist who said very little, truth be told, but managed to steer me into a path of ‘being better with myself’ – ‘of finding solace in my own counsel’ – of saying to myself the things that no one else could and believing that, even without the approval of any childhood support that I was still after all these years, looking for, I would be OK. 

I was enough. 

As terrified as I was to say that I needed counsel, seek it out, and continue with it for more than 7 years all total I think, it was probably a life saving decision for me. Turns out moving away from childhood traumas does not always clear the night terrors as those widgets travel nicely inside of many a memory.

It is hard to be OK in the midst of personal struggle. It is hard to welcome others into our space when we know we are not our best. To look for friendship and guidance and welcome discussion when we ourselves are not sure – that is something isn’t it. 

To be radically welcoming, to look beyond ourselves and seek others – hear their stories – give ourselves enough grace to continue our journey and welcome another weary and wondering soul along side of us….. 

~Lydia Patrick