I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. My son was the first person to let me know what I was suffering from. I never knew that I had it. I just worried about everything and I believed that was normal. Well, I was wrong.
Since my cancer treatments, I have added ptsd and depression to my mental issues. This was too much for me to handle alone. I take an anti anxiety and anti depression pill. I also started talking to a therapist. It all helped but there are times that it doesn’t.
Sometimes, I sink into a hole and I’m surrounded by darkness and my dark thoughts. I just want to stay home in bed because I’m tired and I want to be alone. I go into hibernation mode.
The thing is that I have responsibilities. My family depends on me, I wish they didn’t but they do. I have to go out into the world even when my mind and body don’t want to.
I have a transformation trick. I have a mask that I wear when I have to deal with people. I smile and laugh and act “normal”. Nobody sees through the mask because I have carefully crafted it to protect me.
I don’t always wear my mask. But, during my dark days, I have to wear it to transform into a functional adult. It’s a part of my life. I’m sad that I need a mask but I’m grateful that I have one.
~Rita Romero
Hugs to you, dear friend.
Thank you!!!
Much love, Rita…
Thank you!!!
By the fact that you are able to state these personal things about yourself shows that you are self aware of your practices. This is healthy stuff, it’s a sign that you are in control of your social skills related to family and friends and basically who you are as a whole person. You have come a long way through life’s challenges and you are still a very thoughtful person who is actively intertwined with your own life story as well as helping your mother and family. Don’t sell yourself short in this life. There’s a lot about Rita , a lot of integrity, and a lot of potential that you have for the future. The mask works on occasion but it’s no trade in for the Rita hiding within.
Katrina, you always help me see things in a different way. Your words are very comforting. Thank you!!!
Dear Rita,
I’m moved by these Words of Wisdom, and so grateful for this community where we can share wisdom born of deep and vulnerable personal experience! Thank you for living your life out loud so beautifully!
I’m a believer in the power of this kind of sharing, Rita; it chips away at the shame or stigma our society clamps on top of real-life experiences to stifle our good work at caring for ourselves. Personally, I’m grateful for the realization some 25 years ago that my brain chemistry was out of balance, too, and for the healthy medications that help keep my serotonin and dopamine in balance, as well as for all the spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, and social practices I’ve learned and been taught, and for all the companions along this journey of self-discovery and growth.
So glad we are on the journey together!
with Love at the center,
Rev. Nancy
Thank goodness for those little magic pills. I’m so grateful for this community because everyone has helped me in so many ways. Thank you!!!
Hugs to you Rita, I relate to this so much and constantly wear a mask to hide depression, pain, PTSD and trauma. It’s all under my mask and all hidden from others.
Much Love to you.
I know how difficult life can be. Just like people say that life goes on, well, we have ways to deal with life and life becomes a masquerade. Thank you!!!