My mental health has been compromised. Ah! The changes my mind has gone through is overwhelming. My mind can be my worst enemy.
I take antidepressants and antianxiety pills. I didn’t need the pills before cancer. The pills keep me from crying all day everyday. But, those pills do not keep the thoughts away.
I am sharing a poem that I wrote on a bad mind day. I know that many of you feel the same way as I do on these days.
My Mind
My mind, my mind, my mind, why won’t it stop? Why does it keep, why does it keep, why does it keep going back to the darkness of my life?
Why can’t my mind let it go? I want to remember only the joyful days of my life. The days I laughed, the days I loved, the days I enjoyed life. I want to remember the tears of joy, not the weeping of despair.
I want my mind to be surrounded by the sweet scent of the wildflowers, the birds singing, the warmth of the sun. I want my mind to be in the calmness of the light, not the chaos of darkness.
My mind, my mind, my mind, why won’t it stop? Why does it keep, why does it keep, why does it keep going back to the darkness of my life?
Yes, this is my mind on bad mind days. What a change to my mental health. This is a change that is overwhelming for me. I’m still trying to put it in a bottle and set it free in the ocean and let the waves carry it away. Maybe, one day.
~Rita Romero
What a powerful tool the mind is! You are doing the hard work here and joy will surely come in waves … the same waves that carry your dear and anxiety away. And this is what we all struggle with whether we speak to it or not. Your journey hopefully will bring us all into new truths of our own. Thanks for sharing yourself with others
Hugs to you, Rita. You have gone through an enormous trauma. May your mind heal more and more everyday. Your poem expresses your pain so well. Love you and your determination to heal your mind!
Your Poetry is very telling. It tells the story of a part of you , but only a part of you. The rest is a clear vision of the sweet potential of life outside that part that weighs you down. You know what it looks like as well as you know the dark side, except you can see much better in the light. You can take steps when you see the light.
I have my days of darkness and it can be so heavy on my mind and heart that it incarcerates me. But my mind is still aware that there is still tomorrow, My most precious ticket to my “other” side, one small step at a time.
Thank You for sharing. I don’t know the depth of your darkness so please forgive me if I am assuming too much.
Thanks for sharing Rita. I was listening to this song the other day and I thought you might resonate with it. You can click on the show more section to see the lyrics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmoEb_SfT2M
I also have dealt with severe anxiety and depression since childhood and seeing as the only two options are to give up or accept my reality, it has pushed me on a path of wellness where I have many tools in my toolbox now –
EFT, exercise, medication, meditation, yoga, chi gong, breathwork, sound healing, dancing, playing music, herbal tinctures, mushroom supplements like Lion’s Mane, positive self talk, affirmations,
scheduling things that I love doing even if I don’t feel like doing it or think I can make the time for it,
working with counselors and a life coach,
talking with friends about my feelings,
co-regulating my nervous system by being around people and my cats,
finding outlets like gardening where I have a sense of control and I can create environments for life to thrive, and thus learn valuable lessons about what I need to thrive and also learn about the cycles and laws of nature which are a constant while my mind makes up illusions,
arts and crafts, spending lots of time in nature, acts of service and kindness, practicing the gift economy, learning about my brain and how it needs the right combination of neurotransmitters and then giving it what it needs for those neurotransmitters to be fully functioning, which I refer to as “all systems go” . . .
and acknowledging that life is hard and maintaining my mental well being is hard, it is a chore that never ends, but without that chore I would get complacent and more depressed, so I constantly remind myself that my actions, thoughts, and words to myself and others can actively change my state of mind and sense of well being.
I am sorry that you have to suffer with cancer. I can’t imagine what that must feel like for you. Thank you for giving me and others a glimpse inside of your mind and your life.