Nurturing Gratitude for Who We Are

The first time I really became conscious of my longing for more—more life, more love, more everything—I was in my twenties and walking to work in downtown San Francisco. Amid the sensory overload of rush-hour traffic, I felt this tug in my solar plexus and heard the words “I want—!” repeating over and over in my mind. I could never complete the sentence—what did I want exactly? I just knew I wanted something more, something different. It was uncomfortable and mysterious.

I can see now how this wanting-something-more has driven me to find my sense of purpose in life. I even notice where it brings delight: Oh, look at that pretty sparkling thing! Oh, look at these good people working and loving and trying so hard! But it has also made me too big a fan of “retail therapy” and too easily distracted by—SQUIRREL!

So mostly I’ve seen craving, as the Buddhists call it, as a problem. It takes me right out of the present moment, which is the only place life can really be lived. I’ve tried diminishing this hunger mostly by criticizing myself whenever I hear “I want—!” ringing in my head again.

Just this week, as I listen to Pema Chödrön’s book “How We Live Is How We Die,” I find a new teaching. Chödrön, an American Buddhist nun, says we all have one of these “propensities”—craving, pride, jealousy, ignorance (feeling withdrawn or out of touch), or aggression. But if we sit compassionately with these tendencies instead of pushing them away, our ego and fear will melt away. Then the energy that each characteristic bottles up will actually bring us wisdom. Craving loses its grasp on my gut and transforms into a deep interest in every detail of life, and the sense that we’re all connected.

Wait! Does this mean I can nurture gratitude for my craving?! It sure does! That longing for something more becomes an invitation to pay close attention to what is, and to see what it’s asking me and us to do.

Wow! It still takes energy and practice to transform wanting-something-more into engagement with life’s actual details. But I’m up for the journey! 

Let’s go together!

With Love at the center,

~Rev. Nancy