Lost Faith

I was brought up as a Baptist. I was not an every Sunday Baptist but I was an only on holidays Baptist. Religion was basically left up to me.

As a child, I had no interest in religion. As a teenager, I was an atheist because how could there be a God with all the suffering in this world and in my life. As a young adult, I started wondering about religion. 

I tried my uncle’s Rev. Reuben faith. He was Pentecostal, that didn’t last long. Later on, I got involved in a mega church. That lasted for a bit. I found that the church was too political. That irritated me but I ignored it and kept going. 

Then, one day a hymn was sung and it was a very unusual hymn. It was about a three headed God. Now, I know about the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. I just didn’t think of it in that way.

People were cheering and seemed to enjoy the hymn. I wondered if any of the people were actually listening to the hymn. I don’t think they were.

 I don’t blindly follow any faith and that church was just full of  blind followers. That was the last time I went to that church. 

I then started to really get interested in my husband’s faith. He is a Muslim. I dipped a toe in his faith a few times. It didn’t seem too bad and I figured why not. 

I read books about Islam and I asked him questions and I decided to give it a shot. It won’t hurt me. I can try it. 

I started to wear the hijab everywhere. I prayed five times a day. I fasted during Ramadan. I was definitely a practicing Muslim woman.

I have to say that I loved it. Wearing a hijab was awesome. It was the first time that I truly coordinated my clothes. I actually felt beautiful when I was wearing my hijab. 

I read the Quran and there were some things I didn’t agree with. But, when I read the Bible there were things that I didn’t agree with. What religion is perfect? None! So, I wasn’t bothered by it.

I felt closer to God. I believed in the Prophet Mohamed. Everything was going well. I was happy.

Then, it was 2016 and so many things changed. I guess all I have to say is that Trump happened. The hatred against Muslims increased.

One day my family went out to eat. My daughter, son , his girlfriend, my ex husband and myself went out to dinner. I was wearing my hijab as usual. We were seated and everything was going well.

Then, I started looking around me. I noticed so many people looking at me. Not just looking but staring. I even saw that some young and old men were standing up just staring at me. I was scared. 

My hijab was the only thing that gave my religion away. That night thinking of everything, I had decided to stop wearing my hijab and I stopped being a practicing Muslim.

It is the prejudice and bigotry of people that put fear into my soul.  I decided that I didn’t want to get involved in any religion. It was just too much for me. I lost faith in everything. 

Two years later, I was on Facebook and I saw an ad for an open house at UUCG. I looked it up and I decided to give it a shot.

I came and I haven’t left. I decided to stay because You are welcome here. I love that. Yes, this is my home because- You are welcome here!!!

~Rita Romero