A social media post from a talking head recently got me thinking: Who doesn’t belong? The post mentioned a trip to New York City and said, among other things, “So many people in the city who don’t belong.” What a statement! Usually, these musings occupy very little space in my mind, but this particular nugget stuck with me. Outside of the obvious bigotry of the statement, I’ve been mulling over how “not belonging” intersects with Unitarian Universalist values. It is serendipitous that our theme for the month is “Building Belonging.”
Does “not belonging” mean one belongs somewhere else? Is it a mutable quality, can one belong today and not tomorrow? Who decides who belongs? I don’t think it is easy to reconcile “not belonging” with Unitarian Universalist values. If we embrace the dignity and worthiness of all beings, if we fight for a just and equitable world, how do we accept that someone should be left out? We want to draw the circle of love wide, but can we have both an expansive (and expanding!) circle and one that is closed from certain people?
We often say, “No one is as bad as the worst thing they’ve ever done.” Living our values demands we seek to include the excluded, to welcome the outcast, perhaps even to forgive the unforgivable. We must strive to see and connect with the humanity in everyone. We must do this especially when it is hard. There are many ways to engage with this work both in your heart and in the world. I hope we can begin with recognizing the absurdity of claiming whole swaths of people “don’t belong” anywhere. Every single person belongs. Every single person deserves love. Even those who seek to exclude others. How’s that for irony?
~Ian Van Sice
Well said! Thanks for sharing
Yes AND, Ian! For a community of people to remain healthy, we must have shared covenants about what behaviors will preserve and grow that health. When someone’s behaviors fall outside those covenants, and there is no accountability or effort to reconcile, then indeed that person can still belong within the curcle of Love and care, but cannot belong in terms of harmful presence within the gathering space of the community itself.
We’ll be looking at this as we move into the month on Cultivating Compassion, too. It is heartbreaking work, because we have to take into account harmful systems that work against liberation for all. This is what makes the theme of belonging so very hard.
But I feel like my example is very different from the one that sparked your beautiful reflection!
More to come!
With Love at the center,
Rev. Nancy
100%, Rev. Nancy.
The first draft of this reflection spent the latter half focused on covenant as the basis for a healthy relationship in community. Everyone deserves love, dignity, and to have their humanity recognized and valued. This is distinct from inclusion in relationship (intimate partner, familial, community, etc.) One’s values and actions can alter this type of connection, perhaps irreparably.
One of the challenges I find myself facing in engaging with prison ministry work is the “yes AND” of acknowledging that the carceral system in the United States is incredibly problematic (to put it lightly), recognizing the humanity in individuals in the carceral system, and considering the nature of removal from society, whether temporarily or permanently.
It’s hard work, but it’s up to us as members of relationships (intimate partner, family, community, society) to determine where these boundaries are and enforce them. I think our Congregational Covenant does a good job of guiding us in this process.