I won’t ramble on about my upbringing, but it’s not a secret that I was abused. I feel there are many children of the 80’s that inherited trauma from being raised with the saying “it’s just how it was back then.” However, I’d much rather break abusive heritage instead of passing it on.
Looking back into my ancestry I find that there is a pattern of trauma and abandonment on my father’s side that leads to addiction, and one of misunderstood mental abuse on my mother’s side due to an inherited mental illness.
I took a vow 20 years ago to break the abuse in my family when I started to abuse my partner with my own inherited trauma. Through therapy, shadow work, and reflection I found that my patterns of abuse were all learned and can be unlearned. The heritage of abuse and trauma are not something I want my future family to take on.
Now I recognize that unfortunate heritage from my ancestors. I give them grace and respect for the trauma they inherited and forgive them for the trauma that was inflicted on all the generations.
I feel it is up to us to break the trauma of our heritage and embrace forgiveness and grace as we do so.
~Candice C Carver
I appreciate you sharing this! Forgiveness is a path I still need to travel on!
Thank you, Candace. This has been my method and goal as well, while still embracing the gifts I inherited from my ancestors. It can be an incredible amount of work and awareness, but so worth it.
This is a question revisited by each generation and yet, there are a chosen few who actually take on the burden of admitting/accepting/ resolving before it is passed on yet again. We all have our story, hence it is up to each of us to remind the other that the story ( the family history) will live on, and the trauma will diminish but only in the right Hands. As I age, I recognize my peers usually speak of their personal heritage and how it has affected them on their own life pathway. Some folx can’t move on , but for those that find how the past injustices can be absorbed by our new context of life, our ability to integrate what has happened into our present, and what impact it will have on the persona of the next generation. We are just a spoke in the wheel of heritage. It is our business to pass it on as a building block , not a rut the wheel will sink into..