Out of Whack

What puts me out of whack? Well, actually a lot of things. I’m going to tell you about the one thing that is the hardest to deal with and that’s my health. It is with me wherever I go. It’s my alter ego. But, instead of making me stronger, it makes me weaker. Or does it?

Watching She-Hulk at the moment. I’m not only a Trekkie but a huge Marvel fan. I do see one thing in common with certain superheroes and that is that I have to deal with a situation that has changed me forever . Hey, looking on the bright side. 

I had spinal injections and it brought tears to my eyes. It was a day for my alter ego to rule. I felt bad today because my lumbar back is what is keeping me from an ordinary life. I can’t stand without pain. I can’t sit without pain. I can’t walk without pain. I know that many people understand me. 

Having my center on the outside helps me calm down fast. I put dinner in the slow cooker with Jalilas help. I got my crochet and made myself comfortable in front of the tv and binged movies and crocheted. I felt bad because that is all I could do. That is life for me in the foreseeable future. 

When I see people doing things that I want to do but can’t do, it’s hard on me. Many times I feel worthless because I can’t help around the house like I used to. I can’t mow the lawn anymore. I used to enjoy it because it was peaceful to me. But, that is life.

Coming to terms with my alter ego helps me find my center quickly. Nevermore will I be without her. Mourning what I used to be and accepting who I am now is a hard path to go down but necessary.  

I should name my alter ego. If anyone has any suggestions I would surely love to hear them. Oh! Edgar Allen Poe fan. Let me know of names. 

~Rita Romero 

This entry was posted in Center and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Out of Whack

  1. Carol Richardson says:

    Thank you, Rita, for you openness and honesty. You are beautiful

  2. katrina yurko says:

    I didn’t realize how much pain you are in. You seem to have an ongoing dialogue with your Alter Ego which puts you in a more comfortable space just because you can see yourself from the outside in. You can identify with the heroes and heroines from Marvel and create an avatar of your very own, well beyond the mundane stuff of daily life and pain.. Your avatar, the character that accepts the realities of life and still maintains your pathway forward.. You have a solid Core of self as you struggle and champion over boulders and rocks, lightning and tremors. You Are Rita, the one in charge , and Rita is enough!

  3. Inez Tolliver says:

    Rita I am so proud of you. For one thing you haven’t give up. You have not let the pain take full control of your life. You have let pain know who is in charge. There are so many people that have given up a long time ago, but you oh but you Rita, you just keep your head up and keep the faith, remember God’s has your back and he will see you through. I pray for you my dear sister.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *